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[bechdelpls]

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[wiccecraft]

Nothing? I don't. I didn't. Fuck. I told him but it's not...it doesn't change how he is or what he's done or how he behaves so it's not like.

I just thought. I should tell you? I don't know.

I'm not bringing him home. So. I'm not asking for you to do anything? I'm. So fucking sorry.

[bechdelpls]

[ That quiet again, and she can feel something growing in it, some monster that feels like it's going to eat her alive if she leaves it unvoiced, but she's not even sure what it is.

A week isn't long enough. A week isn't long enough for her to know how to handle any of this. She was like the ball being moved under cups, shuffled around for Chase's amusement. She owes Caleb her life, and he feels bad for the guy that tried to take it.

Sarah closes her eyes, swallows, takes a deep breath. She can be calm. She can think this through, she can make sense of this mess. (Thinking won't make sense of this mess, part of her says, but she tries very hard to ignore it.) ]

What about him? When you said you were attracted to him, what did he say?

[wiccecraft]

[ What about him, Caleb thinks, but mostly he's upset that this has all gone so horribly wrong and he has no idea how to fix it beyond never speaking honestly about his feelings again. ]

He laughed, at first, and then he got angry.

[bechdelpls]

Like grossed-out homophobe angry or something else?

[wiccecraft]

Something else. He was pissed that I told him, not because he's afraid of being gay. I'm pretty sure he doesn't care about that.

[bechdelpls]

[ Oh, no. No no no. ]

How would you know he doesn't care about that?

[ It could be the Brad Pitt movie. It could also not be. ]

[wiccecraft]

Aaron said some shit to him in the locker room once, called him a faggot, and Chase punched him. Well. Aaron punched him first.

It wasn't one of those fear responses, I guess. Didn't seem like one.

[bechdelpls]

Oh.

[ She knew Aaron was an asshole, but he's just crossed the line into 'irredeemable asshole' territory. ]

Okay.

[ Sarah rubs her face. ]

Look, Caleb. I.

[ A beat. ]

Whatever you do, however you feel about Chase, don't expect me to be okay with him, all right? Like, ever. If you pick him then you pick him, that's whatever. It's... I don't get it, I don't, I won't, but.

[ She bites her lip, tears stinging her eyes while she tries to figure out how to boil the rancid mess churning around inside her down into something digestible. ] I hate him, Caleb. I hate him.

[wiccecraft]

Okay.

[ That's all he can say. There's nothing else really to say. This all feels weird, and final, and he's wishing he could go back in time and just not say anything. His chest hurts and he's trying to ignore the pressure behind his eyes because he's sure Sarah feels 1000 times worse.

He just told her he's attracted to someone she hates. That can't feel good. ]

I mean...yeah. I understand.

[bechdelpls]

Okay.

[ Okay. God, why do words just freaking suck at the most important moments?

This is where she should say she loves him. This is where she tells him it isn't his fault. This is where she should say something that proves she forgives him. ]

I'm gonna go. I'll see you in the communal building later. Dinner or something?

[wiccecraft]

[ She doesn't say anything very comforting or reassuring but she doesn't freeze him out completely and Caleb? Will take what he's offered, at this point. ]

Dinner would be good.

[bechdelpls]

Okay. Good.

[ Love you. Come on. Say it. ]

I'll see you then.

[wiccecraft]

[ He isn't managing to say it either because it feels rude, somehow. Hi, I've upturned our lives by having feelings for someone dangerous, but I love you~ ]

Okay.

Bye.